I feel your pain Wicked Witch of the East..... I feel your pain!

I love Pickwick, TN.

I have a ton of great memories from that place as well as some not so great ones.

Fishing with my Grandfather......Jumping out of the boat with John Shields......Spending the weekend with Steve Carpenter and Buddy Page.....Boating with my wife and kids. Theses are some great memories. These are the trips where I came home with a smile on my face.

Then there were some others.

Burying my dog behind the state park after she got hit by a car. Leaving the funeral of my mother....my grandmother.....my grandfather. These were times when I came home feeling a little empty.

This last weekend brought a little bit of both.

I typically stay away from Pickwick during the holiday weekends. The place is packed with idiots that have no idea how to drive a boat and are seriously a danger to be around. If I were to describe it to you it would have to be a UFC fight crowd in board shorts downing PBR and Jello shots. All while hooting and hollering at the 6 girls with daddy issues dancing on the boats to that annoying Wobble With It song. Even the cove we go to gets invaded. So it is a little much for me and the family.

Any who....

This 4th we decided to brave the Affliction and Tap Out crowds and head up to stay in my parents old house with the Dettmans and Lou. (Who saw his first deer. Seriously HIS FIRST ONE)
All in all we had a really good time.

We got to go Fishing on my Dad's Mako center console boat. Let's just say....I want one. If any of you know my family you know that we came from humble fishing beginnings. I remember the three things to double check for with my grandfather.

1) Is there extra gas on board? I didn't think me swimming with a tow rope in my hand and a boat behind me was all that fun.
2) Is the old coffee tin under the seat? Apparently it is not ok to just pee off the back of the boat when your morning oj hits its max level. that scares away the fish. That is what the tin is for. Just dump it out close to the water.
3) Is the wrench by the motor? I'm not sure what he hit or why he hit it, but when the motor went out that wrench got it going again.

We pulled the girls with the ski boat on the tube. NO not my girls, although Kendall did go once and we stayed calm. Fran's daughter and her kids were in town as well. I pulled her son, her two daughters and her niece. At 30 mph in a hard right turn you can hit a scream level unheard of with two teenager girls on that tube. One skipped across the water like a good skipping stone. One shot up in the air like she was a clown coming out of the cannon at a circus. The son got bounced and had one hand still holding the strap while he was being pulled on his back. The only thing keeping him from letting go was his budding man ego. At 16 that lasts for 5 seconds at 35 mph.

We floated in the water listening to great music and had a nice couple of days eating on the pontoon boat. But as all good weekends do, this one came to an end and it was time to go.

Now leaving is a pretty straight up process. Get up, clean up and go home. Problem is that there are a lot of people attempting that very thing and sometimes it is easier to wait the crowd out. So we did. At the pool. With Beer. Damn.

My boat extraction team consists of myself and Kristi. That is it. No others need apply. It's our boat. We got it. Except WE didn't get it this particular Sunday. Kristi was not up for boat exfiltration duty and wanted to skip out on her duties. She tempted me with an extra day of fishing BY MYSELF if I stayed and got it out BY MYSELF on Monday.....DONE!

Monday morning rolls around and I realize that at 38 with a wife and two kids....Sometimes a quiet sleep in is just as AWESOME as a few hours of fishing.....So I slept. I got up. I cleaned up. I got the boat on the trailer and Memphis here I come...............Then the house fell on me.

Well not really on me, but the house fell.

This genius pulls out in front of me on 350 driving a busted old truck and pulling the house from The Texas Chainsaw Massacre. Hwy 350 is the first small leg of my return trip home. It is a 15 mile stretch that connects you to 45 and it is hilly. My only though when I saw him pull in front of me was "Great. I'm going to be on this road for some time!" I was right. The first thing I noticed was that they didn't clean the pine needles off the roof before they loaded the house on the trailer. Large clumps of matted pine needles showered my car as we drove. I then noticed that the siding wasn't doing a great job of keeping a lot of the insulation in because the pine needles were mixing with chunks of pink. The third thing I noticed was a wheel shooting out from the back right side of the house and plowing into the woods........Wait what the duce? Was that a wheel?

Yes it was. The WHEEL FROM THE TRAILER CAME OFF AT 30 MILES PER HOUR.

Nobody stopped. I slowed down. Shortly there after the house lurched onto it's right and began dragging on the ground. I was so caught up in this that I failed to notice the shredded and broken brake assembly. The drum was split in two and the brake shoes where scattered as well. I felt a bump and kept on snapping pictures as I creped by...Laughing.

Hello Karma.

3/4 of a mile the trailer begins to shudder and I feel it. The back right tire going down. I have a flat tire on the boat trailer. I pull off the side of the road and practice my French.

I remember my dad saying he had a meeting at 11:45. It was 11:21 so I felt sure I could catch him.....If we had ANY F*#*(NG CELL SERVICE ON THIS ROAD! I finally find a rock to stand on and get one bar. Dad gets the broken message that I need a tire company and texts me they are on the way. 20 minutes later I get another text. Can I give him a specific location? My "On the side of the road" isn't good enough so I set out with the dog to read the road marker 1/2 mile down the road. I plop back in the car drenched and let him know where they can find me. I put in the book I am listening to and settle into the air conditioner. It should be soon.

It isn't. An hour passes and I realize that I have been taking inventory of my car rather that listening to my book. I have 1 dog, 8 Dr. Peppers. a case of warm water, Ponchos cheese dip, a bag of chips, 3 fishing poles, 2 guns 36 assorted beers and a carton of egg whites. I'll be ok. No need to start talking to Volleyballs just yet. I'll just go back a few chapters and pick it up again. Kristi texts....Anything? Nope. Dad Texts...Anything? Nope.

Finally they arrive and begin to change my tire. This process takes a little longer than expected because the tire is on the rim very well and they have a problem getting it off the bead.  They wack it with a hammer. Nothing. They pull out the big wrenches and try to move it off the rim. Nothing. They try jumping on it. At which point I start laughing. The kid is around 150 and the lady is at best 100 lbs. We would have a better chance if they both jumped on it, but that would send me over. They finally get the tire off, get a new one on and have me road worthy again.  I give them all the water I have in the boat because they are both soaked and are telling me they have to go down the road next to a trailer stuck on the side of the road.

"Yeah that happened right in front of me. That's what I ran over to get this flat."

They pull off and I hit the road. 2 HOURS LATER!!!

Time to check in. As soon as I get a signal I call Kristi to tell her I am ok. As we are speaking a call from New Albany comes over my caller id......Voice mail! I call dad next and let him know I am ok.

"Glad to hear it son. Say did the Mississippi Highway Patrol get in touch with you?"
"No. Why are they looking for me?"
"Something about a house on the side of the road"
The New Albany number. I quickly check voice mail and sure enough.....
"Mr. Thomas this is Officer So and So call ing about this house on the side of the road. The tire company said you witnessed the accident and we are hoping that you can help identify the vehicle that was pulling the trailer?

WHAT?

I call back.

"This is Chris Thomas. You called?"
"Yes sir this is officer So and So. I understand you saw what happened with the house here on 350?"
"Yes sir it happened right in front of me. Do you need me to come back"
"No sir I just want to get a description of the vehicle pulling the trailer."
"Is it not there?"
"No Mr. Thomas when we showed up there was nothing but a busted up old crappy house sitting half on the road and half on this trailer with no tire."

It was an obvious case of an "Oz and Run"

"Well sir. I believe I can help you Would I be in any real trouble if I told you I took pictures of the whole thing as I drove by?"
"Hell no that would be a big help. Is there a picture of the truck?
"Both of them. No tags or people, but the lead car and the follow car. I got Cleatus and the Bandit's car in the picture"
"Send them to my personal cell phone."
"Will do"

I sent the pictures and he told me he would help me get a statement drawn up so I could recoup my $270 for the new tire.

I got a call this morning from officer So and So. They caught the drivers of both cars and they are facing a whole lot of problems. My pictures sealed the deal and helped them identify who left the house on the side of 350.

The long arm of the law has a name boys and berries and today that name....

CHRISTOPHER MICHAEL THOMAS
CSI
Counce, TN division.

 

 

My run in with Toshiba's Customer Service

So from time to time my wife hears me tell a story and says I should share it with the like three people that actually read these things. This is one of those times. The problem in this story is that

1) It was was a very grown up conversation which had a slew of inappropriate language.
2) There are voices that I can do in person, but cannot replicate in print.

SOOOOOOO

1)The adult language will be replaced with well know fruit.
2) The level of speakable English  will be reflected in a 0-10 scale with 0 being horrible and 10 being perfect. (There are no 10's in this story)

This is your only disclaimer. If you are not a fan of bad language........Go here.
If you think it is cruel of me to mimic Indians (The dot kind not the feather kind...they rock).......Go Here

We begin

My hp has been dropped on the ground more times than I can recall. I have had this laptop for 5 years. It has grown up with Kendall and needless to say it has seen it's fair share of Kendall. It isn't her fault as much as mine. I left it in the chair, on the arm rest of the recliner on a TV tray....you name a precarious space and I have left it there. The other day I noticed the speed was slower than usual and the images were getting fuzzy. I have been investigating some low end laptops and decided it was time to purchase a new one.

Off the Office Depot I went to pick up my Toshiba that had gone on sale. The process was relatively quick and I was back home shortly with my new laptop. Yeah!!!

I fired this bad boy up only to be introduced to Window's 8. A brand new windows platform. Just what I never wanted. This thing is horrible!! It took me a minute to catch my breath before the automatic "Set up your laptop" process began. I went through all the steps till I hit the submit registration button at which time I received an error message. I wasn't connected to the Internet. I followed the bass ackwards directions on how to find the Internet icon and clicked the Thomas connection. I entered my password and viola.....Nothing.

What the duce?

I tried again.......Nothing.
I tried another computer and nothing.........COMCAST!!!!

Kristi called Satan's Cable Company and they online chatted to a fix whilst I was at a lunch meeting. Upon my arrival the problem had been fixed. All the laptops in the house were connected to the Internet.......except the new one. I tried all the fixes I knew and came to conclusion that this was above my pay grade and I needed help. Luckily for me there was a number for "Customer Support" on the box. The following is the conversation that followed.

The people I am talking to will be in Red
My speech will remain in Black
My brain's comments will be in Blue

Thank you for holding this is Daniel can I help you? (Daniel ranks a 7 on previously posted English meter)
Hey Daniel I am having a problem connecting my new laptop to the Internet and am looking for some assistance.
Have to tried our online forums and support? They typically have all the related information there on line.
What the apple? Did you not hear my problem?
No due to the fact that I cannot connect to the Internet.
Well that is a relatively easy solution most of the time and you have reached the level 3 support center.
GREAT then you will be more than qualified to help me resolve this issue.
Well it is not the typical assistance we provide. There can be a number of issues why it is not getting a wireless signal. It could be....
Wait Daniel. I am getting the wireless signal. I see all kinds of bars on the screen, but when I go to connect to any webpage it says the connection to the Internet is not working. The router and the computer can see each other they just won't talk to each other.
I understand. Again I am a level three support operator and can work through these issues with you.
What is with this guy and his level 3 status?
Is he trying to sound all important or is he really happy to be a level 3 guy. Does he rub it in the faces of level 1 and 2 guys? Is he that guy? Who has two thumbs and kicks the pineapple out of level 1 and 2 guys?
This guy!!!

Ok great.

It looks like you have a service warranty on your laptop for the first year.
Correct
It is a level one warranty and I am a level 3 service provider. We can certainly handle this issue for you. The problem is that your router probably supports windows 7 but is not set up for windows 8. We would need to go into your router and have it updated to accept wireless signals from the Windows 8 platform.
Sounds great, but will that mess up my other devices that are currently on that router?
I am not sure sir, I do not know what other devices are on the router.
Well there goes all level 3 points there sparky.
Ok well keep this in mind while we work on this problem, because if those get messed up I am going to be a little upset.
OK sir. For this to occur you are going to need our level 3 support plan which is $165 for one year and you get 3 phone calls and a full year of online support. We guarantee all our support will resolve 100% of your problems.
Fine let's.....Wait what?
For this to occur you are going to need our level 3 support plan which is $165 for one year and you get 3 phone calls and a full year of online support. We guarantee all our support will resolve 100% of your problems.
No. We're not going to be doing that. I don't need to pay you to fix a problem with your machine. Let me talk to whomever can help me for free.
Sir you have a level one warranty and
Ok hook me up with one of those guys.
Sir they will not be able to help you at that level.
Why not?
It is not something a level one support member can fix.
Have you ever given them the opportunity?
Sir?
Have you ever walked down the hall to the level one room and just said. "Who wants to step it up?"
Ummmm
I'm done with this guy and need to get above his head, but I might as well have some fun with him while getting there. Reminds me of my old recruiting days.
Daniel, somewhere in that room is a level 1 guy who dreams of fixing the big problems. The router and windows 8 problems. Someone who dreams of greatness and you have the opportunity to give him a shot. Let's do it together Daniel. Me and you. It'll fix my problem. He will have a great day and you get the warm feeling associated by helping others. It's a win all around.
.........
Daniel?
Yes. I'm still here. Ummm would you like to proceed with the level 3 service plan?
No. I'm not paying you guys any money. Can you fix this problem for me WITHOUT me paying for it?
No sir.
Then I am done with you. Let me speak to a manager.
I'm not sure one is available sir.
I'm sure there is one somewhere around there.
I'm not sure who I would put you in contact with sir.
OK if someone in your office walked up and slapped you grapes out of you who would you go report that to?
Sir?
The person you would go crying  to.....Put him on the phone.
Hold please.
Stupid. See this is what happens when you have a government that drives up the price of labor with high taxes and crap regulations. I bet this level 3 cat gets a decent amount of money for where he lives. It wouldn't support a family here in the US. That's why they go overseas for "support centers"
Meanwhile I'm sitting here wasting time talking to...
Hello? This is Bangalin (English level 4)
I'm sorry? Who am I speaking to?
Bangalin.
Wow. Ok are you a manager?
Yes sir one of the managers of the level 3 support group.

Jesus! I bet these guys have t-shirts and secret hand shakes.
Ok. Did Daniel tell you my problem?
Yes sir and unfortunately it is a problem that requires level 3 support. I understand the fee is a problem.
Yes. See I bought an item from you and your item doesn't work. I think that making sure that item works should be free of charge.
Is there a problem with the computer?
Yes it is not connecting to the Internet.
That is a problem with the router and Windows 8 sir. Not the computer.
Ohhhhhh we want to play this game? Bring it Bangalin!!!
Not your computer?
Yes sir.
Windows 8 came installed on the computer.
Yes sir.
I didn't install it. You guys did. It is a function of your product, therefore it is a problem with your product. If it was a third party install I would be calling them. It's not. It's your computer that isn't talking to my router.
Sir. What router are you using?
AirPort
How old is it?
4 years old.
Sir some of the older routers are not Windows 8 compliant and therefore need to be upgraded.
Great let's do that.
Sir that is an issue with your router.
No. It's sill an issue with Toshiba. I mean you guys did know there were routers already in the marketplace correct?
Yes sir but we
I figured you did. I mean you being a level 3 guy and all.
Sir?
And a manager at that. Way to go. Big step. So now that we are both on the same page.....let's fix my problem.
Sir the only way to do that is through our level 3 support package and you don't want to pay that.
Why the bananas would I pay that?
Sir?
Why? I purchased your product. Your product isn't compatible with existing technology. You apparently know this and have set up an awesome level 3 staff to deal with it. You then want to charge me a fee to get this service when I was under the impression that it would work when I bought it. That's some mob mango right there.
Sir you have a level 1 warranty.
Well then tell a level 1 guy to fix my problem.
That is not what they do.
Well what the strawberry do they do?
This isn't going to work. I'm not going to get this fixed. I could quit now or just make myself feel better by abusing this guy.............I'm not a quitter.
Sir they deal with issues such as..
I want to talk to one.
Sir?
I want to talk to one. Put one on the line.
I'm afraid they cannot help you.
Then give me my money back.
What money?
My level 1 warranty money.
It comes free with all purchases.
Something that does me no good is free, but something that could actually help me is going to cost me extra?
Yes sir.
That's your business model?
........
Where do we go from here?
I'm afraid that there is nothing I am allowed to do.
What can I do?
We have a complaint department.
Oh I kiwing bet you do with the crap customer service I'm getting.
Put them on the line.
It is a recording
What is
You would record your complaint and someone would get back to you.
......
Sir?
Yeah I'm still processing that one. Sit tight.
.....
So your saying that I cant even rasin out a person at this point? I have to record this and hope someone calls me back?
Yes sir.
Tell me when you are ready to record.
Hold on.

"Hi this is the Toshiba complaint line. We are sorry you are having problems with out Toshiba line of products. Please leave a detailed description of your problem and someone will get back to you shortly." (English 6)

BULL ORANGES!! You don't care I'm having problems. If you guys did you would help me fix those problems. But no here I sit talking to a blackberry machine while the level 3 jack apricots laugh in my face. What the cherry kind of company is this? I get a laptop that can't connect to the Internet because of the bull date windows 8 you put on it and you tell me that's not your fault? If this is so common HONEYDEW FIX IT! I bought your computer because I thought it was a good value. I have since found out that it might be a good computer with some glitches, but the desire of the company to fix these problems is Grapefruit. Please call me back at 901- GO WATERMELON YOURSELF at your earliest convenience. If I am out leave a message as I am probably returning your Peach.

This entire post was typed on my old hp. I think I'll let Kenzley have a run at it for the next few years.

Rules People!! Follow the Rules

Rules.

Rules are important. Rules keep us safe. Rules allow for a society to know the boundaries within which it can exist. Rules (well most of them) are my friend.

Catholics like rules. It is in their blood. It’s taught from early childhood.

“Ok little Jimmy, when the priest says this…..you say this.”

“Ok little Jimmy it’s time for fasting. Here are the rules on that.”

“Ok little Jimmy it’s time for the sacrament. Here is how you partake.”

“Ok little Jimmy when this occurs you need to do the sign of the cross.”
(“But dad, how will I remember?” “Just remember: spectacles testicles wallet and watch”) For you Kristi.

I mean they have 10 pretty big rules that are hung in almost every Catholic school out there.

It is because of this that I get so angry with some of the mothers and fathers that drop off and pick up their kids at Kendall’s school. It’s like they are so overloaded with the rules of the church that they can’t keep up with the basic rules of how to release their children to the nuns and how to retrieve them.

Case in point:

I am not sure how, but I manage to wind up behind this one particular violator at least three times a week. I think he sits in the parking lot of the BP and pulls out in front of me as he sees me approach. Either that or he is pulling off some Jack Bauer like covert opps and he has a Chloe in his life to help him out.  Any who. This dude has no intention of following the rules. It’s like he doesn’t even care. 

The deal with car line is that it is a fluid process involving two way traffic and three separate lines of disbursal.  Now in order to accommodate all this traffic, the school relies on the Spice Nuns, Matlock and that big chick from the recent Hairspray movie. While this would not be my cast of characters, it is the ones that are responsible for this on a daily basis.

The first encounter is with aforementioned Hairspray movie girl. It’s like watching one of Kristi’s cats chase a laser pointer. There is a lot of movement, but no real sense of understanding.  She is at an intersection of egress and ingress. At her location there are pedestrians crossing the street, cars moving closer to the drop off line AND cars working to get OUT OF THE DROP OFF LINE.  It is a critical juncture and on most days she does a fine job. There are however days where traffic stands still. I cannot blame her for much of that because she is just a cog on the machine. Sometimes it is Matlock that is messing things up.

Matlock is an elderly gentleman and reminds me of my grandfather in the sense that he too took a job just to get out of the house. Matlock works the

only ingress gate of the whole operation. He has to allow traffic coming from both ways to enter and then be divided up to three separate lanes. It is an important area. HOWEVER, if he is off the whole system is off and sometimes he just dazes off and traffic backs up to the street. 

Then you get to the Spice Nuns. That’s right the Spice Nuns. There is Stern Spice Nun. She typically works the first crosswalk or the last crosswalk. Her hand motions tell you to stop, but you see the absolute seriousness of that command in her eyes! There is Sporty Spice Nun. More often than not, she is in a jump suit or some other fashionable form of active wear. She typically works the car doors and helps the children get their bags and get off to class. This is an important job and there are a number of back up nuns with Sporty Spice Nun. They are constantly moving.  Then you get to either Happy Spice Nun who is waiving you along the way and saying hello to everyone, (Seriously this is a VERY happy Nun.) or you get Flashy Spice Nun who is no doubt the art teacher based solely on her choice of attire.

So those are the players in my morning and who I rely on to keep the traffic moving and to reprimand the previously mentioned violator of the rules.

Every morning I get behind this man the same thing occurs. We make it passed Hairspray and Matlock with no problems, but the line being championed by Sporty Spice Nun and her back up Nuns is full. Typically we are stopped by Stern Spice Nun so the kiddos can walk across the first crosswalk. All good thus far, but I see danger coming. There is a lull in the flow and this is where my Religious Rule Breaker goes to work. The RULE is that you proceed past the first column and move to the front of the drop off line before you let your children out. Yes. Let your children leave the vehicle. Not get out and help them out, but rather let Sporty Spice Nun and her back up Nuns do their job. Not this cat. He pulls to the column and then proceeds to leave his massive vehicle, (which I have named the clown car due to the five kids that pile out and his Ole Miss sticker that is filled in with red and blue dots…..Really?) At this point he waits by the door while his wards collect their belongings and leisurely climb out of the vehicle. Did anyone tell these kids they were going to school? I would have thought the uniforms and school type of accoutrements would have alerted them to this, but no they act surprised they need to exit the clown car.  They stroll away having gotten a kiss on the cheek or a pat on the head and dad pulls back into the front seat. WHILE THIS IS OCCURING……Traffic has backed up behind me and is now stopping all flow of traffic for Matlock. This backs up Hairspray and the vehicles waiting to exit the area. AND Sporty Spice Nun and her Back up Nuns are looking at an empty unloading area. An area he should have pulled to the front of 3 minutes ago.

I love Kendall’s school and all the Nuns that run it, but I’m calling in the Penguin! That Nun knew what was what. She had the Blues Brothers in line and I think she could shame my Religious Rule Breaker into getting in line with things………However judging that he drives around with a big blue and red polka dotted Ole Miss sticker on his car, he probably doesn’t embarrass too easily.  

Till Next Time!!

Chris

Grandparents day for Kendall

Well it's been a little while since I last posted, but I have been a little busy.

The man cave is almost complete. The audio video piece is complete and there are just a few cosmetic issues I need to address before I begin transforming it into a great room.

I am in the process of launching yet another company with some other individuals. Best Charity Network will look to micro finance individuals that need to raise money for a variety of needs. You can follow them at www.bestcharitynetwork.com

The in laws have just left my house after a 5 day visit and we are back to 75% normality. (Kenzley is gone with them for two weeks, so there is a small piece of the family missing.

Kristi's parents came in town for Kendall's "Grandparents Night". It was a chance for her to show off her school and introduce her grandparents to her teachers and friends. OR if you ask her....It was a chance to get dressed up in a pretty dress and socialize with everyone in the entire school. I'm not kidding. This kid knows everybody and everybody knows this kid. We weren't even in the school before she took off running to give Ms. Jenny a hug. Ms. Jenny is one of the aftercare nuns and LOVES my daughter. She is also a Florida fan and refers to Kendall as Gatorbait.Throughout the night she ran from one kid to the next. Saying hi and pointing out her grandparents. There was no pattern. Guys and girls. Her age and older. White and Black. Shy kids and playful kids. The one thing they all had in common is they lit up when she showed up and all of them told their parents who Kendall was. I was SUPER PROUD. I know the world will jade her up a little and dampen that spirit, but I hope this base she is establishing is firm enough to make that minimal.

Any who......

The Grandparents Night was interesting for a number of reasons, not the least of which was watching my little socialite dart from group to group. Kendall, thanks to mom's passing, has a very different set of grandparents. All of which arrived for grandparents night. Dad and Fran came, even though Dad was nominated for "Man of the Year" by the Chamber of Commerce. He pulled out of the running to attend Kendall's special night. Joyce and Pete drove in from GA to beam with pride in regards to one of my daughters and to steal the other one and keep her separated from her father that loves her very much. Mary and Eddie (Grandmary and Bumpy) came in to see the school as well. For anyone that doesn't know.....Mary is one of my mother's sisters. When mom passed away she stepped in by saying that she will never have grand kids and she wants to be a part of Kendall's life. I agreed pretty quickly. Eddie, who is a direct resemblance to Si Robertson from Duck Dynasty, wasn't on board all that much but has come full circle and probably spoils both of them the most. So Kendall's entourage was a little larger than most.

The night started off with a Spaghetti dinner. The best part about the dinner was the two teenagers that came to pick up your trash as if you were on camera somewhere. It was cooked in mass and I happen to be married to a Spaghetti master. She learned it from a Spaghetti Yoda named Bruna. So to say dinner was sub par would be an understatement. But hey. It was a small amount of money by Shakedown High's standards so what the hey. You also got a salad, a hard roll and some tea or lemonade. (However they forgot which cooler was which and the tea tasted like that Arizona half and half tea.)

After that was over we shuffled off to her room to show off her class. We were the first ones there and I know we looked a site when we came in. Mary handled the introductions and we went through the tour of the small classroom. Kendall showed off her cubby. That's where she keeps her personal effects and it was decorated very nicely. My father took this opportunity to tell the whole room that when I was in day care the cubby is where the teachers put you when you were not behaving. Not being one to know when to stop, he then told the nuns that I could almost always be found in my cubby when they came to pick me up. (Not true by the way! I was a good kid who was misunderstood in my time.) We looked over the artwork hanging from the walls. We checked out her VIP Bee poster. Side Note- She was the VIP Bee for the week. Every kid gets a little extra attention during their week and every kid gets to be the VIP Bee. We did a poster showing off Kendall and Kristi, Joyce, Pete and I went to Kendall's school to decorate cookies for a special treat. - End Side Note. We were pretty much through and were wrapping up the conversation when my father and my wife TURNED ON ME!!

"You know he calls you all nuns." My wife says to nun #1
"Sure does. AND he posts the storeys on his blog and Facebook page." My father says to nun #2

WHAT THE HOLY TRINITY?

You don't sell out your kid to the nuns. You don't leave your husband standing there looking like a kid who just said the Lord's prayer wrong before the nuns. It isn't acceptable. But yet here they were looking at me with accusing nun eyes. It was an interesting moment in time. I just stood there smiling and Kristi......LIKE KRISTI DOES just kept on talking!!!!

By the time she was done ratting me AND MY STORIES out I was ready to go. I had had enough. The nuns were laughing at the stories and that was fine. NUN #2 WANTED TO FRIEND REQUEST ME RIGHT THEN!!! "Oh that'll be fine Chris" Says Kristi......What?

Was it fine when that stupid mutt pulled the curtain back on the Wizard of Oz? NO
Was it fine when David Kujan played by Chazz Palmenteri realized that Verbal played by Kevin Spacey was really Keyser Söze? NO
Was it fine when Jafar outed Prince Alli as really being Aladdin? NO
Was it fine when Ademar followed "Sir Ulrich von Liechtenstein" to Cheapside and then turned him in as being lowly William Thatcher? NO
Was it fine when Kristi told the nuns that I talk about them online?


You all just said "No" didn't you? Like in a movie where the main character get the crowd all worked up!!!!!

So I am outed to the nuns and am probably on an eight-by-ten colour glossy photograph with circles and arrows and a paragraph on the back of each one explaining what I've done and to be used as evidence against me in the Vatican as we speak.

If I go silent look to the nuns. They know I know too much and they may try to stop me.