I love Pickwick, TN.
I have a ton of great memories from that place as well as some not so great ones.
Fishing with my Grandfather......Jumping out of the boat with John Shields......Spending the weekend with Steve Carpenter and Buddy Page.....Boating with my wife and kids. Theses are some great memories. These are the trips where I came home with a smile on my face.
Then there were some others.
Burying my dog behind the state park after she got hit by a car. Leaving the funeral of my mother....my grandmother.....my grandfather. These were times when I came home feeling a little empty.
This last weekend brought a little bit of both.
I typically stay away from Pickwick during the holiday weekends. The place is packed with idiots that have no idea how to drive a boat and are seriously a danger to be around. If I were to describe it to you it would have to be a UFC fight crowd in board shorts downing PBR and Jello shots. All while hooting and hollering at the 6 girls with daddy issues dancing on the boats to that annoying Wobble With It song. Even the cove we go to gets invaded. So it is a little much for me and the family.
Any who....
This 4th we decided to brave the Affliction and Tap Out crowds and head up to stay in my parents old house with the Dettmans and Lou. (Who saw his first deer. Seriously HIS FIRST ONE)
All in all we had a really good time.
We got to go Fishing on my Dad's Mako center console boat. Let's just say....I want one. If any of you know my family you know that we came from humble fishing beginnings. I remember the three things to double check for with my grandfather.
1) Is there extra gas on board? I didn't think me swimming with a tow rope in my hand and a boat behind me was all that fun.
2) Is the old coffee tin under the seat? Apparently it is not ok to just pee off the back of the boat when your morning oj hits its max level. that scares away the fish. That is what the tin is for. Just dump it out close to the water.
3) Is the wrench by the motor? I'm not sure what he hit or why he hit it, but when the motor went out that wrench got it going again.
We pulled the girls with the ski boat on the tube. NO not my girls, although Kendall did go once and we stayed calm. Fran's daughter and her kids were in town as well. I pulled her son, her two daughters and her niece. At 30 mph in a hard right turn you can hit a scream level unheard of with two teenager girls on that tube. One skipped across the water like a good skipping stone. One shot up in the air like she was a clown coming out of the cannon at a circus. The son got bounced and had one hand still holding the strap while he was being pulled on his back. The only thing keeping him from letting go was his budding man ego. At 16 that lasts for 5 seconds at 35 mph.
We floated in the water listening to great music and had a nice couple of days eating on the pontoon boat. But as all good weekends do, this one came to an end and it was time to go.
Now leaving is a pretty straight up process. Get up, clean up and go home. Problem is that there are a lot of people attempting that very thing and sometimes it is easier to wait the crowd out. So we did. At the pool. With Beer. Damn.
My boat extraction team consists of myself and Kristi. That is it. No others need apply. It's our boat. We got it. Except WE didn't get it this particular Sunday. Kristi was not up for boat exfiltration duty and wanted to skip out on her duties. She tempted me with an extra day of fishing BY MYSELF if I stayed and got it out BY MYSELF on Monday.....DONE!
Monday morning rolls around and I realize that at 38 with a wife and two kids....Sometimes a quiet sleep in is just as AWESOME as a few hours of fishing.....So I slept. I got up. I cleaned up. I got the boat on the trailer and Memphis here I come...............Then the house fell on me.
Well not really on me, but the house fell.
This genius pulls out in front of me on 350 driving a busted old truck and pulling the house from The Texas Chainsaw Massacre. Hwy 350 is the first small leg of my return trip home. It is a 15 mile stretch that connects you to 45 and it is hilly. My only though when I saw him pull in front of me was "Great. I'm going to be on this road for some time!" I was right. The first thing I noticed was that they didn't clean the pine needles off the roof before they loaded the house on the trailer. Large clumps of matted pine needles showered my car as we drove. I then noticed that the siding wasn't doing a great job of keeping a lot of the insulation in because the pine needles were mixing with chunks of pink. The third thing I noticed was a wheel shooting out from the back right side of the house and plowing into the woods........Wait what the duce? Was that a wheel?
Yes it was. The WHEEL FROM THE TRAILER CAME OFF AT 30 MILES PER HOUR.
Nobody stopped. I slowed down. Shortly there after the house lurched onto it's right and began dragging on the ground. I was so caught up in this that I failed to notice the shredded and broken brake assembly. The drum was split in two and the brake shoes where scattered as well. I felt a bump and kept on snapping pictures as I creped by...Laughing.
Hello Karma.
3/4 of a mile the trailer begins to shudder and I feel it. The back right tire going down. I have a flat tire on the boat trailer. I pull off the side of the road and practice my French.
I remember my dad saying he had a meeting at 11:45. It was 11:21 so I felt sure I could catch him.....If we had ANY F*#*(NG CELL SERVICE ON THIS ROAD! I finally find a rock to stand on and get one bar. Dad gets the broken message that I need a tire company and texts me they are on the way. 20 minutes later I get another text. Can I give him a specific location? My "On the side of the road" isn't good enough so I set out with the dog to read the road marker 1/2 mile down the road. I plop back in the car drenched and let him know where they can find me. I put in the book I am listening to and settle into the air conditioner. It should be soon.
It isn't. An hour passes and I realize that I have been taking inventory of my car rather that listening to my book. I have 1 dog, 8 Dr. Peppers. a case of warm water, Ponchos cheese dip, a bag of chips, 3 fishing poles, 2 guns 36 assorted beers and a carton of egg whites. I'll be ok. No need to start talking to Volleyballs just yet. I'll just go back a few chapters and pick it up again. Kristi texts....Anything? Nope. Dad Texts...Anything? Nope.
Finally they arrive and begin to change my tire. This process takes a little longer than expected because the tire is on the rim very well and they have a problem getting it off the bead. They wack it with a hammer. Nothing. They pull out the big wrenches and try to move it off the rim. Nothing. They try jumping on it. At which point I start laughing. The kid is around 150 and the lady is at best 100 lbs. We would have a better chance if they both jumped on it, but that would send me over. They finally get the tire off, get a new one on and have me road worthy again. I give them all the water I have in the boat because they are both soaked and are telling me they have to go down the road next to a trailer stuck on the side of the road. "Yeah that happened right in front of me. That's what I ran over to get this flat."
They pull off and I hit the road. 2 HOURS LATER!!!
Time to check in. As soon as I get a signal I call Kristi to tell her I am ok. As we are speaking a call from New Albany comes over my caller id......Voice mail! I call dad next and let him know I am ok.
"Glad to hear it son. Say did the Mississippi Highway Patrol get in touch with you?"
"No. Why are they looking for me?"
"Something about a house on the side of the road"
The New Albany number. I quickly check voice mail and sure enough.....
"Mr. Thomas this is Officer So and So call ing about this house on the side of the road. The tire company said you witnessed the accident and we are hoping that you can help identify the vehicle that was pulling the trailer?
WHAT?
I call back.
"This is Chris Thomas. You called?"
"Yes sir this is officer So and So. I understand you saw what happened with the house here on 350?"
"Yes sir it happened right in front of me. Do you need me to come back"
"No sir I just want to get a description of the vehicle pulling the trailer."
"Is it not there?"
"No Mr. Thomas when we showed up there was nothing but a busted up old crappy house sitting half on the road and half on this trailer with no tire."
It was an obvious case of an "Oz and Run"
"Well sir. I believe I can help you Would I be in any real trouble if I told you I took pictures of the whole thing as I drove by?"
"Hell no that would be a big help. Is there a picture of the truck?
"Both of them. No tags or people, but the lead car and the follow car. I got Cleatus and the Bandit's car in the picture"
"Send them to my personal cell phone."
"Will do"
I sent the pictures and he told me he would help me get a statement drawn up so I could recoup my $270 for the new tire.
I got a call this morning from officer So and So. They caught the drivers of both cars and they are facing a whole lot of problems. My pictures sealed the deal and helped them identify who left the house on the side of 350.
The long arm of the law has a name boys and berries and today that name....
CHRISTOPHER MICHAEL THOMAS
CSI
Counce, TN division.
