Ok so today I will get off my little political soapbox, (Kinda) and address some of the mental midgets that have been pestering me the last couple of weeks. For whatever reason I attract these flies more than Paris Hilton's.....well just say I get a lot of them.#1) The guy in the bathroom that insists on using it as an office. I have had more people stand right next to me and yap about the kids or a contract. All the while I'm trying to pee. I'm half tempted to find out where they work, make an appointment and when I get seen just start peeing on their desk. No words. No handshake. Just a puddle and good bye. Now I am sure that this will not work at all seeing as how the cops get a little testy about peeing on Sr. VP's mahogony desk, so....I found an easier solution. Use it if need be. Wait till one of these cell phone clown clowns is in a good short range and while he is talking throw your head back and SCREAM...Ahhhh the pain.....the pain...Then look over at him with hurt in your eyes and proclaim "Well at least that's how I know the medicine's working" It helps if you can muster up a tear.
#2) People that think they can get a "deal" because the economy is in the tank...According to Chairman Obama. I deal with group events and get tons of calls a day asking what kind of discount do I give for large groups. None. Zero.Either of those work for you? "But we're in a recession. We need to stop making huge profits and start thinking about others." I heard this THIS WEEK. Dude works in a decent industry and got offended because I would not offer him a discount on services provided. I asked him if he went to his boss and told him to cut his salary so he could help out. He said it wasn't the same thing. I work off of commission you chowder head! How is it not the same thing. "Because you work for a celebrity" My reply was "Holy crap my wife and little girl are famous now?"
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#3) People that have no argument. Not people with a different opinion. We need those in the world, but for GOD's SAKE be able to defend the ignorance that comes out of your mouth. Too often I get in discussions with people who think I'm the freaking Devil because I am a conservative. I tell them why I believe the things I believe and all I get in return..."You're just wrong." Well why am I wrong? "Because" Because what? "Because you are. You're just wrong" Well come on man I'm trying to help you out. What part am I wrong about? "All of it" All of what? "All of it. It's just all wrong." Well what's right? "Not that" Not what? "What you just said" So what do you think we should do about anything? "Trust the government." What? Why? They are the problem. "Give them a chance?" To do what? "Fix things" How? "George W. Bush screwed them up and couldn't fix anything" So? "So just try a new approach" But it won't work. "How do you know?" I took economics, history and freakin math in school. I know. well we'll just have to see........I tell these people to come and find me when they have a headache. I can save them money on asprin by shooting them in the head. When they look at me funny I tell them. "You're the one into trying things that absolutly will not work!"
#4) People who base their assesment of you one your college and not your arguments. I went to the University of Alabama. Roll Tide. I got into a discussion recently about the auto industry and how to get it back on it's feet. The conversation turned to letting the companies fail so they could restructure and shed off some of the excess debt and bad contracts they were under. No Lie!!! "Well I'm not sure if they teach economics at Alabama, but..." I wanted to smack him. What do you think they teach you dolt? Skinnin' a Buck 101? Advanced Monster Truck Repair? Professional Wrestling Advice? Inner-Family Relationship Philosophy? No Holds Barred Smash Mouth Football?.....Well that one ok. But seriously, I graduated from the College of Communication. That, BY THE FREAKIN' WAY is ranked 7th NATIONALLY by the National Communication Association. Suck on that you idiot. Where did you go to school? Answer? Rice College.......Rice......that's not a college thats a side dish.
#5) People and their Facebook Causes. Stop sending these to me. If it's important to me I already know about it and am already doing my part. I'm sure canine breath awareness is very important to you, but Spot's stank breath doesn't need to tie up my email. I know people in the world with giant hair ridden moles on their forehead need a common voice, but I am not that guy. Sure you may know somwone who has cronic public flatulance issues, but I do not want to donate to finding a cure. This goes for the "Protect a flower today" groups and the "Hollywood stars who care" groups as well. I don't think the Earth is melting and I hate actors who use their fame to spout political garbage all over the world. Keep it to yourselves. My causes are well known and I am happy not hearing about any more. The only exception is the new one that I joined promoting the Tax Party here in Memphis. I can get down with that.
That's all for today. I feel better. Back to work.
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